Surrender

Let me start by saying, “I have control issues!” Whenever I am not in control my insides feel unsettled, I stress, I sweat, and I can be extremely emotional. I always need to know what’s coming and mitigate the risk. I do not like outcomes that are different than the one I imagined. I need things to go as planned and in the timeframe in which I planned them.

I had to ask myself, “Why do I need to be in control?” and came to realize that my control is birthed out of my fear. I fear the unknown and I fear disappointment. I’ve had quite a few situations where I prayed for outcomes and it’s never quite what I asked for. It’s challenging because I always want to be grateful, but I can’t help the feelings of disappointment when things don’t play out like I desire.

I began a journey and started the “40-Day Surrender Fast“ by Dr. Celeste Owens. My surrender was for trust, faith, and belief. These areas are quite difficult when you are a control freak like me, but I committed to changing my mindset over a 40 days. I sought to stop stressing and meditated on two (2) scriptures that carried me through, “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” (Jeremiah 29:11) And, “Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself.” (Matthew 6:34)

As stated in earlier blogs, 2020 was a journey and it came with its share of disappointment. I felt stuck on a hamster wheel of denied promotions, stagnated financial growth, and unanswered prayers. Nothing was going how I wanted it or in the timeframe I wanted. It was completely out of my control. However, the moment I surrendered everything began to fall in place.

I expressed to God at the beginning of 2020 that I wanted to be the best version of myself and everything He created me to be. I wanted to see me as He sees me. All of the pain that I went through was only preparing me for what was to come. Once I was broken, my focus shifted. I learned contentment and accepted that my change wasn’t coming until He was ready to open the door. I knew He loved me so my prayer shifted to “Not my will but I want your will to be done.” I never liked that prayer… I didn’t want to lie to Him. I didn’t want to say what I didn’t mean. If His will didn’t align with what I wanted I wasn’t exactly here for it but here I am now wanting His will for my life. I was ready to stop fighting, stop complaining and trust that God’s got this! I surrendered.

So, here I am in 2021 and no longer concerned about the stagnated financial growth and denied promotion. I focused on what I could control and that was walking in my purpose. I had become so consumed with operating as a coach and getting things aligned personally and professionally that I was content. I began allowing myself to be happy with my life. I was thankful for the many things I had accomplished and obtained. I realized I didn’t want for anything so what was my issue? I needed validation to satisfy my ego.

Now that validation was no longer important, and my desires began to align with His desires for my life He would start releasing everything I felt stolen from me last year. Yep, the promotion came and after the promotion came another job opportunity came knocking on my door. The unanswered prayer I can see Him working out and I’ll have it in due time. There is a lesson to be learned in the waiting and that is to simply trust Him.

The point to all of this is, I’m sure some of you are struggling with what you can’t control and it’s causing anxiety and stress. I want to reiterate that God’s plan is perfect. When we give up our will and let Him do it, He really will do “exceedingly and abundantly above all we could ask or think” (Ephesians 3:20). Our control needs may be slighting us from what God has for us which surpasses our expectations. God’s blessings spread and reaches beyond just us. His blessings have bigger impacts. My suggestion is to, stop worrying about tomorrow and trying to control it. Know that He knows the plans He have for you and those plans are to prosper you. Know that, “The steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord.” (Psalm 37:23). Just trust Him and SURRENDER!